I need help and advise

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Posted by Jared on October 30, 1997 at 15:24:23:

I am in high school and I feel that I am depressed. I have had depression before and I thinkk that I am diagnosed with it now, but I can't explain to my Dr. why.
I have had homosexual feelings for almost 6 years. I can honestly say that I am completly ashamed of everythought that I have had, sexually, during this time. One, if not the biggest problem, is thatevery person that I know is totally anti-homosexual. I don't know how to tell anyone, and worse yet is that I REALLY don't want to be gay. Because of my beliefs, being gay is against the law!
What really made me decide to post this note on the net is that, three or four weeks ago, I had the best week of my life! I met a friend in gym that is all the qualities that I lack. He works on cars, we share many common interests. He introduced me to country music and even helped me work on my own car, which probibly sounds completly stupid, but it helped me feel like a man. But after that week the feeling wore off. I still have my friend, but he was a very temporary fix to a problem that is so old that I can't even remember how it got started! I have seen what it is like to be happy, energetic and productive, I loved it, but I can't seem to hold on to it.
At the moment I feel that I am again alone. Untill this year, it had been 4 years since Ihad had a best friend, but I can't even tell him everything. I just want to know if there are any more people like me; fighting a loosing battle with something that you know is wrong, but you can't seem to stop doing? I don't think there is, but if there is a person out there, I'd love to here from you!

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