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Ice Fishing

Once Earl and Clyde decided to go ice fishing. And they were on the ice, chopping away to make a hole to the water, when a voice echoed out of the air and reverberated, "THERE ARE NO FISH IN THAT HOLE." They were mystified, but decided the voice from the heavens must know what it was talking about, so they moved on to another spot in the ice where they proceeded to start chopping again. And again the voice echoed down from the heavens saying..."THERE ARE NO FISH IN THAT HOLE!" Earl and Clyde were getting quite disturbed by now, but not to be dissuaded, they moved to yet a third spot and begin chopping again. Again the voice thundered down, and a bit angry sounding this time.... "THERE ARE NO FISH IN THAT HOLE EITHER!" In frustration, Earl lifted his eyes upward and yelled, "IS THAT YOU, GOD?" His inquiry was immediately answered, "NO, I'M THE MANAGER OF THE ICE SKATING RINK."

4 Jokes from KBIG's site

Curtis Mahnkey from Torrance

A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

Bill Rafferty FROM Upland

A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was reading the ads in the paper. He looked up and said, "Here is a great sale on tires!" His wife replied, "What do you want tires for? You don't have a car." He came back with, "I don't complain when you go out and buy a new bra!"

Naomi Newbury from Torrance

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the mans face. (Whack) "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?" The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"

Venda Kawai from Camarillo

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asks, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner says, "No." The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" "No." "Did you check for breathing?" "No." "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The coroner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

Too Much Talk

A Police officer had stopped a car and asked the man driving for his license. "I don't have it with me," he said. About that time, the man's wife in the passenger's seat said, "No, honey, it's right here in the glove compartment." The man just glared at her. Then the officer noted he had run a stop sign at the previous street. "No, I didn't. I just had to swerve out of the way of another car to keep from getting hit." The wife then said, "No, Honey, you ran that stop sign just like the officer said." The man glared a bit harder at her. Finally, the officer said he clocked the car going 57 in a 45 MPH zone. " I am sure I was not speediing, I had the cruise control set on 45," replied the man.
"No Honey, you were speeding. You were going nearly 60 miles an hour."
Not able to contain himself any longer, the man looked at his wife and said, "Will you PLEASE shut up, you dumb broad!" Now, the officer looks into the window at the woman and says, "Ma'am, does he talk to you like that all the time?" "No," was the reply, "only when he has been drinking!"

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This page created by M.D. Smith and last modified on December 30, 1995